


Introduction to Meteoromancy

by logicalDemoness



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Desert Bluffs, Gen, In-universe historical document, The Weather (Welcome to Night Vale), basically just Night Vale being Night Vale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 13:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1858947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/logicalDemoness/pseuds/logicalDemoness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The following is a recently declassified document from the Night Vale City Archive. It contains basic information about City Council's involvement in the development of modern meteorological techniques in the 1970s. For your safety, some information remains redacted. </p><p>(or: why the weather is music)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Introduction to Meteoromancy

Excerpted from City Council archival files – Meteorology Division. Full archive dating back to [REDACTED] available at the Night Vale Private Library.

06/15/1977  
Councillor Schwartz tabled a motion today to open a formal Meteorological Society in Night Vale. Citing death toll caused by miscalculation of the number of hornets in the [REDACTED] incident, Schwartz argued that traditional astrological forecasting and taking of auspices were no longer adequate to serve the city's growing population. Councillor Montblanc objected, stating, “Blood. Blood be upon those who forsake our ancestors' ways. Blood be upon those who stare into the sky and presume to know its secrets. You are not its master; it is your master.” He also argued that local astrologers would suffer from revenue loss. The motion was put to vote and passed 8-5 in favour.

08/15/1977  
Recruitment for Society has been hit with difficulty due to there being no citizens with formal training in the field. Recruitment from outside Night Vale has not been successful. No applicant has lasted more than one week on the job. Most have disappeared after a single day's work, only to be found days later at the edge of town, nude and making humming constantly without ever stopping to breathe. One of those who did not, a Prof. [REDACTED] recruited from Sparks, left town of her own volition after five days. When asked for comment she replied, “The sky is wrong. The clouds are wrong. This place should not be.” and repeated this comment for the next twenty minutes. Councillor Montblanc used these reports to motion that the Society be dissolved; however, Councillor Verdi informed Council that Desert Bluffs has recently begun recruiting meteorologists of its own and erecting an observatory. Council Chief [REDACTED] immediately bypassed voting and resolved to continue the Society, stating, "Then we'll build three observatories."

09/27/1977  
Council has partnered with Night Vale Community College and the Guild of Augurs to implement a new curriculum in Meteoromancy. This discipline blends ancient divination techniques with modern forecasting technology. Council hopes the program will bring local talent to the cutting edge of the field, while appeasing those citizens who prefer the traditional forecast. As there was little time to develop lesson plans, the curriculum currently encourages professors to improvise with whatever knowledge from their field of study might be applicable. Students currently enrolled in divination, astrology, geomancy, actuarial science, philosophy, and modern art curricula will be folded into the new program, effective immediately; refunds and schedule changes will not be permitted. 

12/03/1977  
First semester has concluded for Meteoromancy program and students are scheduled to make their first test forecast this afternoon. Council has requested to be sent the first copies of the report as they come in. They will be assessed for compliance with Council decency guidelines and then passed to Night Vale Community Radio for broadcast. Voice Leonard Burton has been instructed to announce the new weather report segment and ask citizens for feedback.

12/04/1977  
Feedback from first forecast largely negative. While nothing in forecast ran counter to decency laws, 88% of NVCR listeners reported greater than normal feelings of deep existential despair upon hearing it, and 56% additionally reported leaking an unidentified black fluid from every orifice. More severe side effects were recorded in 7% of listeners, including growing [REDACTED] and a single case of fatal [REDACTED]. Voice Burton himself appeared unaffected, but according to his intern [REDACTED], had no memory of anything between playing the forecast and the end of his program. Council voted 10-3 to convene with college staff to seek a safer forecast delivery system. Councillor Montblanc was seen cackling “I told you so!” even as black fluid spewed from his mouth. 

03/20/1978  
It has been determined that straightforward reporting of the weather contains extradimensional information that creates cognitive dissonance in most beings. Meteoromancy staff and students have developed a new broadcasting standard in conjunction with colleagues in the NVCC psychoacoustics department. The new standard encrypts the forecast in such a way as to bypass conscious awareness, leaving an understanding of the weather without the brain being forced to process its unfathomable horror. It is believed this format will be much less traumatic for the average citizen. Council has approved first broadcast for NVCR tonight. Voice Burton is to announce the new weather segment and make no mention of previous test on 12/03.

03/21/1978  
Feedback from broadcast positive. 96% of listeners reported hearing only music during the segment, but that, as one anonymous citizen put it, “I feel like it's going to be really windy tomorrow, don't you? I can feel it in my heart. Pulsing through me, electrically. I have always known this.” The remaining 4% are now scheduled for interrogation by the sheriff's secret police regarding the noises they have claimed to hear or not hear. Council voted unanimously to continue reporting the weather in this format for the foreseeable future. 

04/01/1978  
Councillor Verdi reports that representatives from Desert Bluffs have approached NVCC requesting meteorological consultations. Council Chief [REDACTED] decreed that such representatives shall be barred from campus, adding, “We got 'em beat, boys. We done good.” The Meteorological Society project has been declared a huge success.

**Author's Note:**

> Haha this is super-old and I don't know why I never published it. It was originally written for WTNVCon with the prompt "The true meaning behind the weather". 
> 
> Somewhat inspired by XKCD strip #1245.


End file.
